Subsiding Pain
by ChristineThalassinou1990
Summary: This story didn't leave me alone in the last few days... Qui-Gon is at a breaking point over the loss of Xanatos, he's seeking solitude in the garden but instead meets little Obi-Wan.


**Subsiding pain**

Qui-Gon Jinn had a bad day. It wasn't very surprising in itself, he'd had days like this before and especially after his former Padawan, Xanatos, said goodbye to the Jedi Order and to his master, the latter may or may not have involving some shouting, accusations and words that should have never been said to another living, feeling being. Xanatos most certainly had a horrifying talent to hurt others, especially the ones closest to him.

And Qui-Gon was the one who had the strongest relationship with the kid; as his master, he was like a parent, a sibling and a best friend, all in one. It wasn't easy, not for the slightest, and Xanatos definitely had his issues – like anger management problems and a bit too much pride – but Qui-Gon enjoyed it nonetheless. He was generally good with people, regardless the age, he could find the right voice with adults and children alike. No wonder he was one of the best diplomats of the Order.

Still, in their final quarrel with Xanatos all of his diplomatic skills failed spectacularly. Xanatos most likely had been planning his defection for a while by that time because no matter what Qui-Gon had said, he just turned his master down flatly, and after a rant that left Qui-Gon confused, emotionally exhausted, and above all, devastated, he disappeared, probably for good.

For long weeks Qui-Gon felt like walking through a dream. Nothing seemed real, and he did hope desperately that it's just a bad dream he'd soon wake up from. He truly tried his best to be a supportive, loving master to Xanatos, he loved the kid like his own child, and he honestly didn't know what he'd done so wrong that they'd ended up like this. Perhaps he was a little too loving, too permissive, he was willing to forgive easily and punish lightly. Perhaps he should've been stricter but being too firm with children had never been part of his nature. He just loved them too much to be a grumpy old Jedi master with them.

As Qui-Gon wandered aimlessly in the Temple, the hood of his robe pulled up, hiding his eyes and face in shadows, he found himself at one of the gates of the vast, lush garden of the Temple. He didn't quite remember how he'd got here but he didn't really mind. He liked the garden, the close proximity of nature and life in general always calmed and comforted him in a way nothing else could.

After looking around briefly and detecting only a few higher level individuals than plants or small animals near to himself, Qui-Gon decided that it was safe enough for him to go in and find a silent, stranded spot somewhere in this miniature jungle. He really didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. He just wanted to be left alone with his misery. Yoda, Mace Windu or even his former master Dooku weren't much of help in this situation; however, Qui-Gon knew they'd tried their best to comfort him. Well, they couldn't, at least not just yet. It was still too fresh for him to feel any real comfort.

Since then, his mood usually went from simply bad to outright depressed. Today was a day for the latter. He had to try really hard to convince himself even just to get up from the bed and do something productive. Finally, "something productive" had been materialized as a cup of hot tea which he managed not spilling all over his kitchen or himself. He was amazingly clumsy when feeling that bad and exhausted. He just couldn't concentrate on anything, he was too distraught even for making food, let alone for more complicated things like meditation. Once, still half asleep in a morning, he kicked a chair, bare-feet. He was lucky that none of his bones got broken from it.

Soon Qui-Gon reached a quiet, fairly hidden place in the garden, a few steps off from a narrow path that led through the whole mini-jungle. When he sat down on the soft grass he acknowledged with a considerable amount of contentment that the bushes hid him quite well from anyone who might use the path. He didn't need company, and he didn't want it either.

8-year-old Obi-Wan Kenobi and a few of his fellow initiates played in the garden, near the big pond. A female Jedi master watched them with clear concern and even clearer love and care, being on alert when one of the children got too close to the water. They knew how to swim, little Jedi had been taught of this essential skill at an age as early as 4 years, but the pond was very deep for younglings like Obi or his friends. Therefore, it was forbidden for them yet to swim in the pond.

Obi was in the middle of building a little house from the fallen leaves and small branches he'd found on the ground when he felt something really strange. Like the Force had shouted to him to do something while nudging him toward a certain direction. Obi had never felt such a thing before but knew that if the Force was telling him something he ought to listen to it. So after he checked that no one was watching him currently, he got up to find out what the Force wanted him to do.

He quickly found a path and began to follow it, becoming more and more curious as he walked. He felt he was getting closer, he sensed another human nearby; but that human surely was pretty far from being communicative with him; or with anyone else, for that matter. He – or she, Obi didn't know yet – radiated despair and bone-deep sadness in waves, and as Obi got closer, he heard strangled, heartbroken sobs as well. He knew it wasn't a child and now it was also clear to him that the other person was a male, most likely a knight or even a master. However, Obi had no idea at all why a grown-up Jedi would hide in the garden crying.

 _Maybe his friends were mean to him_ , Obi thought and his heart filled with compassion toward the sad Jedi. He didn't know why of all people the Force sent him to help, but he was willing to do his best. So he followed the sobs and soon found the Jedi, sitting in the grass, his face hidden beneath the hood of his robe but it did nothing to hide his falling tears or shaking shoulders. He looked so sad and lonely and miserable that Obi didn't even think about his next move; he just stepped to the sitting man and hugged him tight, trying to offer all the comfort and support he could. He didn't even know this Jedi's name, but he did know that he had to help him somehow; he couldn't see him suffer so much. For some reason it was just wrong on so many levels.

When Qui-Gon felt the hug he was so startled he almost stopped crying for the sake of jumping away, but he had to realize he couldn't move, nor he could calm down and stop crying. In fact, the gesture just made him feel even more miserable as he slumped further, leaning into the hug and clinging to the person who gave it. Somewhere at the back of his mind he registered that the other one was a child but he simply couldn't bring himself to care right now. He buried his face into the other's tunic and sobbed into it, his tears quickly wet the fabric but the child didn't seem to mind. He just held Qui-Gon patiently, waiting for him to calm down.

Finally, Qui-Gon could do so, his sobs slowly ceasing into tired sniffing, then into complete silence.

"Are you asleep?" Obi asked when the Jedi hadn't said a word for long minutes.

Qui-Gon shook his head weakly and straightened a bit to wipe his eyes and face with the sleeve of his robe. Then he pushed back his hood so Obi could see his face at last. It was an interesting face, communicating rather contradicting things like dangerousness and vulnerability, and it was pretty similar to a predator cat's, a lion, for example. But it was the eyes that captured Obi's attention in the very first minute he saw them. Deep, deep blue eyes, like the merge of morning and midnight, haunted and sad, and still so beautiful it hurt.

"Your eyes are amazing!" he blurted out and smiled at the Jedi.

Qui-Gon looked up, surprised, and found himself smiling back; however, it was a pretty sad smile.

"Thanks, little one" he muttered and wiped his face again. "But why are you here? Shouldn't you be with your friends, or something?"

"The Force told me that I should do something about... something. It turned out you were this 'something'" Obi shrugged. "Did I help?" he asked, his concern obvious.

Qui-Gon thought it over and he had to admit that yes, the kid did help. He felt significantly better than any time since Xanatos had left him and the Order.

"Yeah, you did. Thank you" he answered and managed to smile at the kid. "What's your name?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. But feel free to call me Obi" the kid offered. "And who are you? Are you a master?"

"Yeah... let's say that" Qui-Gon murmured and pushed away the surfacing bad memories and thoughts. "I'm Qui-Gon Jinn."

"Well... it was nice to meet you, master Jinn. But I have to go back before I got into trouble" Obi explained, but before he left he hugged Qui-Gon again, and it felt strangely comforting and calming.

"Take care, Obi" he whispered as looked after the kid disappearing on the path.

Something told him that this encounter would be important later. He just hoped that he'd be in a much better shape by then.

 **The end**

5


End file.
